Contrary Mary

Mary Mary quite contrary,
how does your garden grow
Childs Nursery Rhyme

Unsurprising throughout my childhood and adulthood I have heard this rhyme one or two times, even to the point where I have a semi-witty retort of “I live with a brat in a high-rise flat, so how in the hell would I know.” I have alway thought that I am not very contrary. If I say I am going to do something I do it. Generally I am pretty good at this but there are times when I am not.

When I was overweight I would watch Maury (think Jeremy Kyle for America) with episodes featuring super-morbidly-obese individuals who were bed-ridden, trapped by their excess weight requiring firefighters to help them escape their prison. These programs made me feel that I must not be that bad as I can walk around and leave my house through the front door. I didn’t think that I was that fat. Now that I have lost the weight I often think that I am larger than I am. I go into shops and pick up a size 16 and try it on  and can’t understand why it is so large on me.

I am still trying to decide what it is I want to do post-duck-incident, top of these decisions is whether to attempt the Etape 2011. I have dutifully written my list of pros and cons, I have even written counter arguments to all the cons. I have spoken to many friends (cyclists and non-cyclists). If they are all encouraging “you can’t let the duck win”, “you’ll regret it if you don’t” I just think of all the things that could go wrong. If they are full of doubt and uncertainty about it I just think “f*ck you I am doing it”. There are some friends who are just supportive and these are the most frustrating because they won’t enter into my internal argument.

How do I stop being Contrary Mary and start just be Mary?


About marystumbles

These are my thoughts as I stumble through life.
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