Laying Down a Marker

 You have been weighed
You have been measured
And you have absolutely…
Been found wanting.

A Knights Tale

This morning I did a timed lap of Richmond Park. It is 10km loop (6.2 miles) and I did it in 23.24. Is this good? Is this bad? Does it mean that I survive the Etape? will this mean I smash the Etape (probably not)? Does this mean that I will be picked up by the broom wagon? I honestly don’t know.

I have been putting miles into my legs on the turbo and the road. I have the calf muscles and the cyclist tan to prove it. Some days it feels like I am making progress and others I feel like I am just deluding myself and the only place that I am going is backwards. This was the first timed lap ever that I have done so I have no idea whether I am making progress, whether I am faster, slower or the same as last year. What I do know is that I was making an effort and was pushing myself. Heart rate gives me a rough indication of whether I am making an effort; my max heart rate on the bike is around 180 (resting around 45) my average heart rate for the lap was 167. Based on this I was pushing it, maybe not to the max, but pushing it.

This morning feels like the first time that I got on the scales at Weight Watchers. On getting on the scales you are faced with the facts. You are faced with the cold harsh reality of where you are at this present moment in time. You can’t run from them or delude yourself any longer. I have a point against which to measure myself against. Whilst losing weight the actual weight became meaningless to me, what mattered was whether I was making progress. If I wasn’t I could work out where I was going wrong and what I could do to improve.

I will admit that I sometimes try to compare myself to others and often get frustrated. I feel that I am not trying hard enough, that I should make more of an effort. This is just wasting my energy and I need to stop it. I need to focus on comparing myself to myself.

Time will tell whether I am making progress but at the end of the day, regardless of what it means for the Etape, I had one of those mornings where I was just really happy to be on my bike. The weather was good. The deer were out, and were not attempting to wander across the road. I only had a mini freak out when I saw the birds flying across the road, this is definite progress!

Morning in Richmond Park, OK not this morning but I did take this picture...




About marystumbles

These are my thoughts as I stumble through life.
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